Bullies. Tyler Clementi's story is nothing new

[Snoogans4Jay]

How awful and sad it is that a bright and talented young man committed suicide after seeing no alternatives offered and being BULLIED by a roommate. I can not even BEGIN to understand why the FACT that this is a HATE crime is being argued. OF COURSE IT IS A HATE CRIME. How fucking STUPID can this country GET. Those two bullies need to be locked up or better yet pushed off the damn George Washington Bridge with weights on.

I also read about a young girl (16) in Ohio that killed herself due to bullies in her school (she hanged herself), and at her FUNERAL the damn BITCHES laughed at her dress in the casket. WHERE THE FUCK IS MY UZI? These people deserve the everlasting fires of hell more than any atheist or Satanist ever has. I have HAD it with accepting bullies and the attitude that the bullied child should just "rise above it". WTF? Rise above it? NOOOO. STOP BULLIES NOW. We need a ZERO tolerance policy. I mean JAIL. I mean I would love the death penalty but I guess that would be voted down due to people with bleeding hearts for the wrong damn reasons. BULLIES ARE SOULLESS GHOULS THAT NEED TO BE EXTERMINATED!!!!

To quote JTHM "you can tell they're not regretting having hurt you. They regret doing it to your face" DAMN TRUE.

[johnnysgirl]

Poor peple, I hope those bullies end up hier lives in misery

[Erich Zann]

As a guy from the outside who is also inside this is really sad. I like to think I am a rebel and all that shit but I am not sure how I would react here. I talk about other kids. I don't think I am a bully and I don't go out of my way to be "mean". But I am not the guy that befriends the outsider either. Even when I like to think I am not a member of the "Status Quo". This is something to think about and of course we have all been thinking of Rutgers and the student population there.

[Shan]

The best way to deal with bullies is to have parents teach tolerance and compassion to their children. Bullies often learn their bad behavior at home. Lizzie and I recently watched a true story film about a young man that received a brain injury due to a drunk driver. He recovered but for a time had to wear a bicycle helmet because part of his skull was removed to alleviate brain swelling. A bully got on the train he was taking home from college and hit him on the helmet as he walked by him in the aisle. The young man simply got up, went back to the guy, and in a very civil tone explained to him WHY he wears the helmet. Then he turned around, walked back to his seat, and left it at that. His point was heard loud and clear.

[Fairy Grrrl]

Oct 9, 2010 16:48:39 GMT -5 Erich Zann said:

As a guy from the outside who is also inside this is really sad. I like to think I am a rebel and all that shit but I am not sure how I would react here. I talk about other kids. I don't think I am a bully and I don't go out of my way to be "mean". But I am not the guy that befriends the outsider either. Even when I like to think I am not a member of the "Status Quo". This is something to think about and of course we have all been thinking of Rutgers and the student population there.

You ARE a bully Troy- I mean Erich . Calling a kid a geek or a dork or a douchebag is being a bully. I know you don't mean to be and you don't push or be mean but that is what I think Mrs. F is talking about too. I wish everyone would react like the bully Victory described but that just isn't usually reality. It IS sad. I feel so bad for the Clementi family and for Sladjana's family. I am from the Czech Republic originally although I haven't lived there in 9 years so I understand about being teased over my accent.

[Erich Zann]

Oct 12, 2010 11:39:31 GMT -5 Fairy Grrrl said:

Oct 9, 2010 16:48:39 GMT -5 Erich Zann said:

As a guy from the outside who is also inside this is really sad. I like to think I am a rebel and all that shit but I am not sure how I would react here. I talk about other kids. I don't think I am a bully and I don't go out of my way to be "mean". But I am not the guy that befriends the outsider either. Even when I like to think I am not a member of the "Status Quo". This is something to think about and of course we have all been thinking of Rutgers and the student population there.

You ARE a bully Troy- I mean Erich . Calling a kid a geek or a dork or a douchebag is being a bully. I know you don't mean to be and you don't push or be mean but that is what I think Mrs. F is talking about too. I wish everyone would react like the bully Victory described but that just isn't usually reality. It IS sad. I feel so bad for the Clementi family and for Sladjana's family. I am from the Czech Republic originally although I haven't lived there in 9 years so I understand about being teased over my accent.

No I have feelings. I care if I hurt someone and even if I say something "off the cuff" I care. I am not that guy. GOD I am not.

[lizardcat]

A couple years ago my DD was in a semi-bullying situation. A group of girls in her class had formed a "club." Most of the other girls weren't even considered for membership, but the core group would consider some classmates based on their clothes and/or their interests. The core group especially delighted in inviting girls in one day and kicking them out the next, just to watch how confused and hurt the invitees would be.

This was in preschool, folks. The ringleaders were three and four years old.

What especially pisses me off is that some "concerned" moms would ask me, "Do you know about the Cat Club? If you find out my daughter is part of that, let me know right away!" And meanwhile their daughters were the ones running the whole show. Parents are so clueless about what their kids are up to these days. And I agree--they are not learning compassion at home. At best, they're learning to do whatever it takes to acquiesce to the bullies, even if it means stepping on other kids to avoid being targeted. And frankly, the school systems don't want to take on these parents. They're hyperdefensive about their little darlings, and they're all too willing to sue if they feel they're being slandered.

A friend whose kindergartener was bullied mercilessly on the bus last year asked a friend of hers in the school system what recourse she had. He basically told her that the county's "anti-bullying policy" centered around changing the behavior of the *victim.* To which she replied, "So what you're saying is, this county doesn't *have* an anti-bullying policy. It has an anti-victim policy."

I teach my kids to be kind to other children, stand up for and believe in themselves, and try to stick up for others. Truly, the only way to take these bullies down is to convince our own children not to stand for their behavior, whether it's directed toward themselves or others.

[Shan]

Oct 13, 2010 20:05:53 GMT -5 lizardcat said:

A couple years ago my DD was in a semi-bullying situation. A group of girls in her class had formed a "club." Most of the other girls weren't even considered for membership, but the core group would consider some classmates based on their clothes and/or their interests. The core group especially delighted in inviting girls in one day and kicking them out the next, just to watch how confused and hurt the invitees would be.

This was in preschool, folks. The ringleaders were three and four years old.

What especially pisses me off is that some "concerned" moms would ask me, "Do you know about the Cat Club? If you find out my daughter is part of that, let me know right away!" And meanwhile their daughters were the ones running the whole show. Parents are so clueless about what their kids are up to these days. And I agree--they are not learning compassion at home. At best, they're learning to do whatever it takes to acquiesce to the bullies, even if it means stepping on other kids to avoid being targeted. And frankly, the school systems don't want to take on these parents. They're hyperdefensive about their little darlings, and they're all too willing to sue if they feel they're being slandered.

A friend whose kindergartener was bullied mercilessly on the bus last year asked a friend of hers in the school system what recourse she had. He basically told her that the county's "anti-bullying policy" centered around changing the behavior of the *victim.* To which she replied, "So what you're saying is, this county doesn't *have* an anti-bullying policy. It has an anti-victim policy."

I teach my kids to be kind to other children, stand up for and believe in themselves, and try to stick up for others. Truly, the only way to take these bullies down is to convince our own children not to stand for their behavior, whether it's directed toward themselves or others.

Very very well said. It is unbelievable how early this stuff starts. Most schools I think do turn a blind eye. It is even more disturbing when teachers seem to contribute to the problem rather than help the bullied child. I recently read about a math teacher named in a lawsuit along with the bullies by parents of a child that committed suicide.

All we can do is teach our kids to not tolerate it and to tell an adult. I want my kids to tell me. I will do everything in my power to get the school and the parents of the bullies to act.

[Snoogans4Jay]

Oct 13, 2010 20:05:53 GMT -5 lizardcat said:

A couple years ago my DD was in a semi-bullying situation. A group of girls in her class had formed a "club." Most of the other girls weren't even considered for membership, but the core group would consider some classmates based on their clothes and/or their interests. The core group especially delighted in inviting girls in one day and kicking them out the next, just to watch how confused and hurt the invitees would be.

This was in preschool, folks. The ringleaders were three and four years old.

What especially pisses me off is that some "concerned" moms would ask me, "Do you know about the Cat Club? If you find out my daughter is part of that, let me know right away!" And meanwhile their daughters were the ones running the whole show. Parents are so clueless about what their kids are up to these days. And I agree--they are not learning compassion at home. At best, they're learning to do whatever it takes to acquiesce to the bullies, even if it means stepping on other kids to avoid being targeted. And frankly, the school systems don't want to take on these parents. They're hyperdefensive about their little darlings, and they're all too willing to sue if they feel they're being slandered.

A friend whose kindergartener was bullied mercilessly on the bus last year asked a friend of hers in the school system what recourse she had. He basically told her that the county's "anti-bullying policy" centered around changing the behavior of the *victim.* To which she replied, "So what you're saying is, this county doesn't *have* an anti-bullying policy. It has an anti-victim policy."

I teach my kids to be kind to other children, stand up for and believe in themselves, and try to stick up for others. Truly, the only way to take these bullies down is to convince our own children not to stand for their behavior, whether it's directed toward themselves or others.

This is absolutely unbelievable. Three and four year olds. Bullying is becoming completely lethal. I stand by my previous unpopular theory that THIS is why there are so many school shootings as well as suicides. Not in EVERY case but certainly in a good many cases bullies push kids to the point that the kids being pushed see no way out. It is either kill themselves or kill the bullies or take some of the bullies down with them when they go. It is so way scary how young this behavior starts and I feel like the home life of these kids MUST be playing some kind of part in why they are so mean to other kids. The parents you are talking about that get SOOO defensive when their kid is accused of bullying are probably being that way because they are already aware of it.

We need a ZERO tolerance to this behavior in schools as well as at home. Kids need to be encouraged to tell and parents need to TAKE ACTION when the child tells them. Do NOT tell children that it is just part of growing up and they must learn to rise above it or live with it. Emotional and physical abuse should NOT be considered a right of passage by anyone.

[Snoogans4Jay]

Okay so on another board briefly it was brought up that kids are bullied by their parents too. No grade below an A is good enough, stress to get into the right college, you aren't good enough unless you are the perfect athlete, whatever.

I stated on that thread that I thought that John McCollum, the kid that shot himself in the 1980s and Ozzy got blamed, was a good example of this. That kid was pressured by his parents to be a straight A student. He shot himself listening to Ozzy's Blizzard of Oz record and Ozzy got the blame for his death. Because of the song Suicide Solution. Which was about alcoholism . Parents can be really stupid. In my opinion that kid was listening to Ozzy for comfort as he took the last shot. The suicide ITSELF had NOTHING to do with Ozzy and everything to do with parents and school. The song that he was really listening to was probably the last song on side A. Goodbye to Romance. Obvious. I had stated in my post there that the kid probably needed a friend to hold his hand and in his isolated world that was Ozzy. My post was taken as pro-suicide. It wasn't. Understanding is not a sin and it doesn't cause the problem. In fact it helps. I would suggest to the naysayers to try it sometime.